Volume One, Chapter 18: Meaningless

The hospital room door swung open. Lu Feng stood there, holding a lunchbox in one hand, his face a mix of shock and anger as he glared at me and Su Qingya, who was leaning against the wall nearby.

“Su Qingya! Your kept man is still waiting outside for you. Why haven’t you left yet?!”

I sighed in resignation and spoke calmly, “Lu Feng, watch your words. No matter what, Qingya is still my wife. At least show her some respect.”

Lu Feng sneered with displeasure and muttered under his breath, “You’re her husband too, right? But I never saw her respect you when she was cheating on you.”

Nearby, Liu Ying joined in with biting sarcasm, “Yeah, why did she have to go for someone like Fu Huaijin and not someone like Gu Ze?”

I wanted to end the quarrel right then and there, so I didn’t respond. But Lu Feng clearly had other plans. Soon, he and Liu Ying began exchanging barbs back and forth. I took the opportunity to comfort Su Qingya and urged her to leave quickly.

Watching the two former classmates argue so fiercely, I felt, for the first time in a while, as if I were a little farther from death. Yet I knew this was but a fleeting illusion. With that thought, a pang of melancholy washed over me, and I lowered my gaze.

Noticing my sour mood, Lu Feng came over again, offering to feed me, but I refused. Even with cancer, I was still a young man in my twenties.

I took the warmed porridge he handed me and sipped it slowly. Liu Ying watched coldly from the side:

“Hmph, I told you, disasters last for generations. After three surgeries, you’re still sitting here, lively and eating.”

I wasn’t sure how she judged me as lively, but I looked up and smiled awkwardly, “That’s thanks to Dr. Liu’s superb skills—stealing people back from the clutches of death.”

Liu Ying seemed dissatisfied with my attitude. I knew I owed her a great deal over the years, debts of the heart that no amount of time could repay.

Now, all I could do was maintain a professional doctor-patient relationship and avoid any further entanglements. After I die, all will be settled—dust to dust, ashes to ashes.

Her reproaches and curses over the past didn’t matter. Such verbal attacks were meaningless to a man facing death. If it gave her some relief, I would find some peace in return.

Holding the porridge, lost in thought, I had been on intravenous fluids and a liquid diet for three days. I thought I could finish this small bowl, but after barely half, fatigue overtook me.

Lu Feng noticed my waning strength, sighed, and took the bowl away, “Alright, don’t force it. Rest first.”

Sleepiness washed over me like a tide. Half-conscious, I thought I heard Liu Ying telling me to pay attention to my emotions lately and keep calm.

Then I drifted into a deep sleep.

When I woke again, sunlight was pouring over my face, and the sharp tap of high heels echoed nearby.

Drowsily, I sensed the footsteps moving slowly, cautiously attempting to tread lightly.

But who would come to see me wearing high heels?

Suddenly, a name burst into my mind—Su Qingya.

In that instant, all the pain of unrequited love, misunderstandings, and slanders wrapped around me like an endless shroud.

My heart tightened painfully, pounding wildly. My breathing became erratic, and finally, I jolted awake as if escaping a nightmare of despair.

When I saw Su Qingya, I was on the verge of tears. Yet in the next moment, the surge of emotion vanished abruptly, like a light switched off.

Even I didn’t understand why.

With a face full of apology, she looked at me. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

She glanced down at her shoes, hesitated, then took them off, standing barefoot on the cold hospital tiles.

“No… I’ve been awake for a while. Qingya, you don’t have to do this.” Though I said it, my voice was thick with drowsiness, obviously just roused from sleep.

Su Qingya said nothing but began unpacking the takeout bags on the table. Her slender fingers moved back and forth over the clear plastic, catching the sunlight, effortlessly untying a knot—a pretty sight indeed.

She brought over a steaming bowl of rice porridge, blew on it gently, and fed me, “Zi Xuan helped me bring this this morning. I went to try it yesterday myself. It’s very mild, should suit your taste.”

…Zi Xuan. I repeated the name with a trace of annoyance in my mind and turned away from the spoon she offered.

Su Qingya seemed to realize something and awkwardly withdrew her hand, still poised to feed me. “You’re busy with the company… I wanted to come see you, but that place was far, so I asked Zi Xuan to run the errand.”

“It’s fine,” I replied coldly. “The hospital has special meals, and Lu Feng will be here soon anyway.”

Seeing her expression darken instantly, my heart twisted painfully.

“Won’t you eat a little? I… I just had Zi Xuan run the errand. I didn’t even meet him,” she said reluctantly, her voice tinged with grievance.

“Thank you, Qingya, but the doctor said it’s best not to eat anything outside. I’ll just wait for the hospital food,” I said lightly, trying to comfort her. “After all, they spent ten million treating me. It’s better to follow the doctor’s orders.”

Su Qingya sulkily put the spoon back into the bowl and packed up the breakfast.

Seeing her pitiful look, I couldn’t bear it and said, “Qingya, did you eat before you came? If not, you can eat first.”

She gave me a bitter smile filled with sorrow, “Looking at you like this, I can’t eat either.”

The steaming breakfast slowly cooled.

Suddenly, Su Qingya swayed, her face turning pale. Panic surged through me—her stomach ailment hadn’t flared up in years. Could it be happening again?

“Qingya, have you not been eating properly lately?” My voice rose unconsciously.

She looked guilty and said, “I… can’t eat.”

“Tsk.” I was displeased. Though part of me wanted to blame her for bringing this on herself, I couldn’t bring myself to be harsh. Instead, I threatened that if she didn’t eat, I wouldn’t either.

Watching her bite into a cold bun with tears in her eyes, my heart ached bitterly. “Qingya, you really don’t need to waste any more time on me.”

Choking on her sobs, she asked, “Gu Ze, do you still refuse to forgive me?”

I smiled bitterly at her, “Qingya, why do you keep doing this? I’m dying soon. Whatever happened in the past no longer matters.”

She didn’t answer, only shaking her head repeatedly.

“Qingya, it’s not that I don’t forgive you. I… never resented you.” I looked away, toward the various machines attached to me. “So don’t dwell on this. Let me go—and let yourself go too.”

Suddenly, with a panicked look, she asked, “Let go… Gu Ze, so you still want to divorce me?”

I was silent for a long while, then finally spoke hoarsely, “Divorce is just a formality. Qingya, it means nothing to me now. I just want to spend the last time I have peacefully.”