Volume 1, Chapter 20: A New Beginning

I looked at Su Qingya’s pale face. Never before had she shown me such a fragile expression. To say I didn’t care would be a lie.

"Gu Ze, I truly know I was wrong." Su Qingya twisted her fingers together, her expression as aggrieved as a child who had committed a fault. "I shouldn't have blamed you for Fu Huaijin’s death..." She sobbed again. "But you were the only one there at the time. I was so devastated, and I didn't want it to be this way, but I really had no other choice..."

Yes, watching one's lover die right before their eyes must have been agonizing.

"Actually, Fu Huaijin was once my friend, too," I said, my voice raspy.

Hearing this, Su Qingya cast a look of astonishment at me. "You two were friends?" She then added hesitantly, "But everyone in the department said you didn't get along. You were roommates, yet you never interacted at all."

I smiled, remembering our college days. Back then, Su Qingya was still my junior.

"Because you were a year behind me, and by the time stories passed from person to person, they were no longer the truth." My thoughts drifted back five years. "University was the first time I had truly stepped out of my mountain village. I didn't understand anything back then—I didn't even know how to open a canned soda..."

I recounted, bit by bit, the story of my friendship with Fu Huaijin. Su Qingya sat beside me, listening quietly.

"Fu Huaijin didn't care about my background; he befriended me. Though, perhaps he just wanted to stay on my good side to make his assignments and finals easier," I thought with a bitter smile. Back then, Fu Huaijin probably never really considered me a friend.

After all, he never truly helped me in any significant way—he merely taught me simple common sense, like how to use a bank card. Meanwhile, I had to write his assignments every semester and tutor him during finals. Looking back now, I was like his secretary, reporting every school announcement to him every day. Even news about scholarships and sponsors came to him through me.

"Later, you enrolled, and you should know the rest," I said flatly.

Su Qingya looked at my calm expression, puzzled. "Then don't you hate him? If it were me, I would definitely have taken revenge!"

Typical of a pampered young lady’s temperament. I shook my head helplessly. "Qingya, perhaps that is exactly what I love about you."

Su Qingya’s expression froze for a moment, then she lowered her eyes.

"I am different from you. No matter what has happened since I was a child, I have always endured it." I looked into her eyes earnestly. "To me, you are like my sun. Love is love, hate is hate—as pure as sunlight."

"So, whether you love me or hate me, I simply love you for who you are."

Su Qingya bowed her head, her hair shielding her eyes. I knew she was crying.

"So... that's why you said you didn't blame me. Gu Ze, I'm sorry..." She slumped over the table, weeping uncontrollably.

Whether it was forgivable or not, it was all over now. These words hovered on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them back. Everything was in the past; I didn't want my death to cast a long shadow over Su Qingya.

When she looked up again, her eyes were red and swollen.

"...I regret it... Gu Ze..." She rested her hands on her lap, clutching at the hem of her clothes.

"Qingya, let’s put the divorce on hold for now," I said. Aside from this, I didn't know how else to comfort her.

"Okay. Thank you, Gu Ze." No sooner had she finished speaking than Lu Feng arrived.

He was about to burst into a tirade, but when he saw Su Qingya’s tear-filled eyes, his words were choked back.

"Bad luck, why do I keep running into you these past two days?" Lu Feng eventually chose to ignore Su Qingya and walked toward me, grumbling. He pulled two magazines and a comic book from the cloth bag he was carrying. "I was afraid you'd be bored, so I brought you some reading material."

I picked up the books Lu Feng had brought and raised an eyebrow. "Magazines would have been fine. You're a grown man, why are you buying me comics?"

"Some comics are actually quite good," Lu Feng said seriously. "And this one is still being serialized. You need to undergo treatment properly, or you won't be able to see the updates."

I laughed out loud. "I'll undergo treatment properly even without the comics."

After Lu Feng entered, Su Qingya remained standing. Seeing me chatting and laughing with him, while she remained immersed in her own sorrow, she stood to the side with an awkward look on her face.

"Besides, my wife is paying ten million for my medical expenses," I said, trying to draw Su Qingya into our conversation.

Hearing this, Lu Feng asked sharply, "Wife? Gu Ze, you haven't rekindled things with her, have you?" His temper flared, and the harmonious atmosphere vanished instantly. "Gu Ze, get this straight: Su Qingya tormented you for three years. Just because she’s been nice to you for three days, you think she’s turned over a new leaf and is going to be a good wife? Don't forget, there’s still a pretty boy downstairs waiting to take your place!"

"I didn't... I didn't tell Zixuan to come. I didn't ask him to come." Su Qingya defended herself. Seeing Lu Feng’s skeptical look, she turned to me. "It really wasn't me!"

I wanted to say something, but Lu Feng looked at us both with such fury, as if he had been betrayed. I only wanted to live out my remaining time in peace and die quietly. Why did everyone have to gather here to argue every day?

At the thought, I felt a headache coming on.

"...Read the two books I gave you. I'll come see you again later," Lu Feng said stiffly before leaving.

Su Qingya looked at me with deep guilt. "I'm sorry, Gu Ze... it's all because of me that you and your brother are at odds."

I shook my head. At this point, I no longer wanted to blame anyone.

"I will handle things with Zixuan. He might be feeling a bit..." Su Qingya carefully searched for the right word, finally settling on, "...a bit unbalanced lately."

I nodded noncommittally. Even a dog would be unhappy if it lost its master's attention, let alone a human.

"I used to spend a lot of time with Zixuan, so I hired him as my personal assistant," she said cautiously, quickly adding, "There’s a contract. It’s a formal one."

I nodded again, offering no opinion. Although such an explanation was still infuriating, Su Qingya had a stomach condition; it was probably good for her to have someone around to take care of her.

"Gu Ze, do we still have a chance?" After a long silence, Su Qingya finally spoke.

There was a charm to Su Qingya that made it impossible to refuse her, especially when she looked at you with that pitiful, probing expression. Not to mention that I had once been her suitor; such a look was lethal to me. To start over, to spend a few months or years in love, and then die while being loved—that sounded nice.

But I still shook my head. Because the invisible wounds in my heart still throbbed with pain.