Chapter 20: The Story Behind My Husband's Underwear
[System: Confirm consumption of 0.5 Healing Charm?]
So this charm’s effect comes at the cost of half a life!
She wished she had three mouths to respond, “Confirm! Quickly help me purge all the fish mint from my body!”
Consumption successful. It felt like having a brand-new stomach; the foul odor vanished instantly. Song Ruozhao was instantly revitalized—no longer a fragile willow swaying in the wind.
Now, clearing that entire patch of fish mint was a mere trifle!
Just then, the physician arrived. Worried his hospitality might be insufficient, Pei Wenxu brought along a basket of herbs: “I promised to give this to you. It’s homegrown, a small token of my regard.”
“To snatch away what one loves is not the conduct of a gentleman,” she gently declined.
What he offered wasn’t simply fish mint; it was clearly an attempt to send her life away!
The herb basket was pushed forward again, accompanied by earnest words full of heartfelt meaning: “This very herb is the cherished favorite of the Prefect of this府. Lady Song should accept it. Whether for the Pingkang Lane case or the Jiuyiao case, this is what Lady Song rightfully deserves!”
“...”
She found the items by the shore utterly distasteful, but scheming briefly by the shallow pond, she said, “Master Pei, your kindness is overwhelming, and I cannot refuse. I see the pond’s lotus flowers are quite splendid—may I pick some as a token of thanks?”
Pei Wenxu smiled broadly: “How did you know I was planning to uproot these lotuses to plant coriander?”
Song Ruozhao: “...”
Gouya couldn’t help but blurt out: “Master, I think she really doesn’t know...”
“Gouya, I know you always jump ahead, so here’s your chance.”
Gouya ground his teeth, sensing trouble. As he feared, a great responsibility was about to befall him.
“Go pick all the lotuses from this pond and haul them in a cart to Lady Song’s residence.”
“...”
Could Gouya refuse?
He was indeed a brash one, but he still hoped for fame and fortune! Otherwise, why endure this scorching heat and exhausting labor?
Filled with endless grievance—setting aside how Song Ji had already beaten him to the Jiuyiao evidence—he now had to serve as a beast of burden?
Calling over some servants, in just a few moments, the lotuses were all picked. The pond’s fat fish had nowhere to hide; the fish leapt and splashed in waves.
Gouya harnessed a donkey cart, loaded the flowers and people, and traveled across half of Chang’an.
His sharp teeth nearly ground to powder, sensing his grumbling, Song Ruozhao sought to ease the tension: “Gouya, if you don’t want to come with me, I won’t force you.”
Gouya was overjoyed: “Fine! You go rent a donkey cart yourself and haul the flowers back. I’ll go enjoy a cup of coriander tea in the shade.”
The donkey rental shop was running a special promotion, but the pricing rules were more complicated than red tape.
Song Ruozhao gave up immediately and decided to drive the donkey herself, shouting, “Gentlemen of the flowers, precious lotuses, early summer finest, six coins a stem!”
Which fairy doesn’t love flowers? Passersby and young ladies repeatedly glanced back. A pair of bright eyes lit up: “Grandpa, look! Isn’t this the thousand-petal lotus?”
The old man stroked his graying beard, recognizing each variety: “Fragrant and exquisite thousand-petal lotus, double-heart lotus, golden sash, jade hibiscus... such a visual feast, the last time I saw these was in the Jingzhao Prefecture!”
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He sighed again, “Such a pity the tea served during the flower viewing was simply stunning.”
“At that time, I wanted to get a thousand-petal lotus, but that rascal Pei Diao wouldn’t give it unless his fish agreed. Bah! Such a stingy country bumpkin!”
Chatting with his daughter about old times, the old man turned his attention back: “These rare varieties, young lady, only six coins each?”
His somewhat sluggish mind suddenly cleared, shifting tone: “Eh, that’s too expensive. Ten coins for two, then.”
“...”
Song Ruozhao reluctantly agreed: “For this grand opening, I’ll allow you to buy only two.”
The old man chose his long-coveted bundle.
Gouya quickly jumped in: “Gentlemen of the flowers, precious lotuses, early summer finest, six coins a stem!”
“Don’t shout!” Song Ruozhao swiftly covered Gouya’s mouth.
Resuming, she shouted even more crisply and loudly: “Sixteen coins a stem, gentlemen of the flowers, precious lotuses!”
Gouya: “!!”
A lotus not even fully bloomed now matched the meat prices in Chang’an!
Gouya had already forgotten why he wanted coriander tea. I shout, you collect the money—each doing their part in perfect order.
Even decorative lotus leaves sold for ten coins a piece. The two parted with reluctance.
Song Ruozhao counted today’s earnings.
Gouya’s eyes shone brightly, thinking half of it would be enough to outfit himself.
Yet he watched helplessly as she pocketed the income.
Gouya rebelled: “Hey, I was your guide on the way to the brothel! You can’t be so ungrateful!”
Song Ruozhao produced ten copper coins to settle the debt: “Here’s the ten coins for the brothel visit.”
Gouya protested: “We should split that money fifty-fifty!”
She smiled faintly: “Tell me, wasn’t this flower gift from your master to me?”
“Y-yes,” he hesitated.
“Wasn’t your master the one who ordered you to escort me back, but you didn’t want to because it was too hot, so I sold the cart of flowers?”
“Y-yes,” Gouya’s expression gradually went blank.
“In that case, you shouted eight times and sold them all. I’ll pay you eight coins for your trouble. Fair?”
“Fair, I guess.”
But since the lotus leaves sold for ten coins, he earned less than a single leaf.
After paying him, Song Ruozhao added ten more coins as hush money: “Don’t spread this around, about that... my impotence!”
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Cracking the whip, the donkey cried out a mournful sound only beasts of burden can make. Gouya drove the cart back, looking more like a beast of burden himself than the donkey.
In the Jingzhao Prefecture, behind a delicate screen, the true beasts of burden were quietly reporting.
The screen was exquisitely crafted to the point of disgust: coriander-shaped clouds, coriander-shaped trees, horses woven from fish mint galloped amidst the interlaced red and green leaves—shocking, breathtaking!
Xu Chian reviewed the evidence Song Ruozhao had submitted one by one: “Master, Jiuyiao’s crimes are undeniable, even down to his underpants, which have quite the story…”
Finding it hard to speak, Xu Chian presented the freshly unwrapped evidence—the embroidered underpants.
“As Lady Song said, the embroidered underpants Jiuyiao wore were indeed stolen from his mistress’s lover.”
Pei Wenxu was incredulous and softly asked, “Chian, do you know where my underpants came from?”
Just then, Gouya, having just returned with his meager earnings, froze at the doorway: “!!”
Standing in the threshold, his mind churned wildly: Master’s underpants have a story too!?
Did that mean... they were stolen?!
He had always thought his master, no matter how lonely, would remain pure...
Even Xu Chian knew; why should Gouya be the last to find out?
He decided he would not be the final bearer of this secret.
Song Ji’s cross-dressing would be revealed later; first, this underpants matter must be reported to the matriarch.
After all, the master only cared about fishing. Right now, who but the matriarch could control her son?
Gouya furtively withdrew one foot and slipped away without turning back towards another residence.
Xu Chian, well aware of his master’s unconventional thinking and intentions, smiled faintly: “How could I know where Master’s underpants came from?”
“Indeed, Chian. Just as I do not know where yours came from. Such private matters—how did Lady Song find out?”
Pei Wenxu admired Xu Chian’s cleverness and composure. Fortunately, Gouya wasn’t around; otherwise, that brain weighing about three jin would be mostly empty.
A servant reported:
“Master, someone requests an audience, claiming it concerns the Jiuyiao case.”
“Who is it?”
“Jusi Fu—”
Pei Wenxu and Xu Chian exchanged glances and in unison: “This is of great significance.”