Twenty-one

People often say that university is “four years of freedom,” but this certainly doesn’t apply to T University. It wasn’t until Huang Qi entered college that she realized the academic pressure could be even heavier than in high school. The only difference was that in high school, teachers constantly supervised and pushed you to study, whereas in college, it was entirely up to your own discipline. Even so, she could always feel all kinds of pressure—from her classmates, from her once-glorious achievements, from the relentless urge not to fall behind yet struggling to keep up.

Huang Qi’s average grade in her first year was over ninety. When she mentioned this to Yu Weiwei and Zhu Xinyi, they called her a freakish genius. Zhu Xinyi had, from the start of college, clung to the motto “sixty is enough,” barely scraping by in each class and often battling make-up exams and retakes. Scoring ninety in every course at university was simply unthinkable.

Yet, despite all this, Huang Qi only ranked thirtieth among the four classes in her year—just barely making the cut for a third-class scholarship. The chance to transfer to the Architecture Department at the end of first year required a top ten ranking—so she didn’t make it.

In her second year, she worked even harder and moved up to twentieth place, but still far from the Architecture Department’s standard. Transfers were only allowed in the first two years when foundational courses predominated; by the third year, with so many specialized classes, it was no longer possible. Her only hope was to apply across departments for graduate research. This meant she had to teach herself the specialized courses from the Architecture Department—running between two departments, trying to keep up with both. It really was overwhelming.

“Why are you so set on transferring departments?” Tian Yujia, her classmate and roommate, asked as they left a big lecture on their way to the cafeteria. “With your grades, once those top ten all go abroad for grad school, you’ll have your pick of the labs in our department when the time for pushing for research comes around. Why bother chasing after the Architecture Department’s overrated reputation? Besides, architecture isn’t even that popular now—it’s about the same as ours, not great job prospects, just more prestigious. Why put yourself through all this?”

Another roommate, Yun Lei, chimed in, “Maybe she’s just really interested. I wanted to get into the School of Economics and Management too, but when I didn’t make the cut, I got transferred here. Now that Econ and Management is so competitive, even the top three in our year are fighting tooth and nail to switch over—I’ve given up.”

Tian Yujia laughed, “Interest is one thing, but you have to choose a major that suits you. You can barely keep track of your own pocket money—if you studied Economics and Management and ended up in charge of finances, that would be a disaster!”

Yun Lei, annoyed, reached out to swat Tian Yujia while riding her bike; Tian Yujia dodged, still laughing, and turned to Huang Qi, “Same goes for you, Huang Qi. No offense, but your mind is just pure science and engineering. Design, aesthetics—those things aren’t your strong suit. Don’t try to force it. You’d never sell a building you designed!”

Yun Lei nudged Tian Yujia again, “So you’re saying Huang Qi has no sense of style!”

Laughing and bickering, they cycled out of the academic area. Tian Yujia asked, “Which cafeteria? The one near the dorms?”

Huang Qi replied, “I have class after lunch, so I’m not going back. Let’s eat somewhere close.”

“Then let’s go to Cafeteria Seven—it’s closest to the lecture halls.”

Feng Xidi, who hadn’t said a word all this time, finally spoke up, “You guys go ahead. I’m used to eating at Cafeteria Ten.”

Tian Yujia shrugged, “We can go to Ten too—it’s pretty close.”

Huang Qi looked at Feng Xidi, “I haven’t been to Ten much. I’ve really been craving the hot pot from Seven today—who’s coming with me?”

In the end, Huang Qi dragged Tian Yujia and Yun Lei to Cafeteria Seven for hot pot, while Feng Xidi went to Ten by herself. Huang Qi knew Feng Xidi came from a poor family and struggled to make ends meet, so she ate the cheap set meals at Ten every day, which cost only eighty cents or a yuan per dish. The hot pot at Seven cost five yuan a serving—her entire food budget for a day.

Because of Xiao Ying, Huang Qi understood—and deeply admired—those who lived with hardship yet remained resilient. Feng Xidi came from a poor mountain region in the west; her parents didn’t support her schooling, and even her name hinted at her family background. She’d single-handedly won a place at the city’s best middle and high schools through math competitions, and finally made it to T University’s Environmental Department. She paid tuition with student loans, and supported herself by working odd jobs and tutoring.

Seeing Feng Xidi always reminded Huang Qi of Xiao Ying, though Feng was luckier—she’d relied on her own efforts to get into college and change her fate. Huang Qi couldn’t do much for people like them, but at the very least, she could be understanding and never puncture the pride and dignity Feng Xidi worked so hard to maintain.

The three girls ordered their hot pots at Cafeteria Seven, found a table, and had just started eating when someone approached, tray in hand, “Hey, beautiful ladies, is this seat taken? Mind if I join you?”

Tian Yujia and Yun Lei looked up knowingly and made room for him. “No one’s here—go ahead and sit.”

The newcomer was Xiao Xu from the Architecture Department, same year as them. Huang Qi often sat in on architecture classes, and they’d chatted a few times. Later, she found out he was in a dorm right next to Yun Lei’s boyfriend’s room. Perhaps this struck him as fate, and for some reason, he started half-seriously, half-jokingly pursuing Huang Qi.

Of the four roommates, only Huang Qi didn’t have a boyfriend—even Feng Xidi had started dating a graduate student in charge of work-study in their department. Tian Yujia and Yun Lei were more than happy to help—especially since Yun Lei’s boyfriend was involved—actively playing matchmaker for the two.

This made Huang Qi uncomfortable. She looked average, always thin and dark from the sun as a child, with a boyish short haircut. As Teacher Ding once said, she looked like a scrawny monkey—a male one at that! She’d never even been a secret crush to anyone, let alone pursued. In college, her features matured, she spent more time indoors studying, her complexion lightened, and, at her friends’ urging, she grew her hair and wore skirts, finally showing some signs of transformation. In a technical university with six boys for every girl, she’d even attracted one or two admirers.

Xiao Xu sat across from her, enthusiastically asking, “Are you going to Structural Mechanics after lunch too? The professor posted the materials early on the online platform, but you can’t see them since you’re not officially enrolled, right? I printed them out for you.” He started rummaging in his bag for the handouts.

Huang Qi quickly stopped him, “Eat first, we can talk after. Thank you.”

Tian Yujia and Yun Lei chimed in—especially Yun Lei, who, with her boyfriend’s encouragement, was determined to help her “brother” win this girl. “You’re really thoughtful, printing things out. Why not just send the files electronically?”

Xiao Xu replied, “It’s not convenient to read on a screen. During class, you can’t even look at the file. Printed notes are better for following along and making notes.”

Yun Lei said, “You’re so considerate! My boyfriend never does anything like this for me. Even asking him to borrow last year’s exam papers from an upperclassman is a struggle. I’m jealous.”

Huang Qi had lost her appetite and hurried through her meal before heading to class. Structural Mechanics was a required course for several departments, and the lecture hall was already packed. Xiao Xu said, “My roommates saved us seats in the fifth row, right in the middle—great view.”

Huang Qi hesitated, “I’m just auditing. If I sit up front, I’ll be taking seats from those who registered. What if the professor calls on me and I can’t answer? I’d rather sit on the side.”

Xiao Xu insisted, “The sides are too far—you can’t see anything. The seats are already saved, and look, there are no seats left in the back.”

Huang Qi’s eyesight had worsened recently, and she hadn’t gotten new glasses yet. Sitting too far back, she really couldn’t see a thing. Glancing at the seats Xiao Xu’s roommates had saved, she noticed one was on the aisle, so she went and took that.

Xiao Xu’s approach was simple—going to class, studying, eating together, always under the pretense of schoolwork. He didn’t confess, send flowers, or ask her out, so she found it hard to reject him outright. Still, she wondered how to make her feelings clear—she didn’t want to lead him on and waste his time and affection.

There were still thirty minutes before class. As soon as they sat down, Xiao Xu started up another academic conversation. Just then, her phone rang, and she quickly stepped out to the hallway to answer it.

It was her mother. Teacher Ding usually called the dorm phone in the evenings, rarely her mobile. She found a quiet spot by the stairs, “Mom, what’s up?”

“Xiao Qi, you’re not in class, are you? It’s nothing urgent. Your grandpa came up from the countryside a couple days ago and brought us a basket of loquats from home. He always remembers you love the ones from our tree. Every year, he wishes you could climb up and eat them straight from the branches like you used to. You've missed loquat season every year since you left, and the ones sold outside just aren’t as sweet. By the way, Uncle Wenwen from town is doing a project in your city—he often travels between sites. I asked him to bring you a box. He said the construction site isn’t far from your school. I’ll text you his number—go find him when you have time. He also has some of your clothes and books…”

They chatted for a while, and Huang Qi hung up reluctantly. In front of her grandfather’s house stood an old loquat tree planted decades ago, its canopy three or four meters wide. Every early summer, it was loaded with golden, sweet fruit, and neighbors would come asking for seeds to plant their own.

Huang Qi loved to snack and wasn’t put off by sourness. She would climb up and pick the loquats before they were fully ripe. Her favorite trick was to pick slightly yellow ones that weren’t sweet yet, take a bite and feign delight, then trick Xiao Ying into eating one—watching him pucker up from the sourness and hiss, while she burst out laughing.

She wondered how Xiao Ying was now. He probably didn’t miss her grandfather’s loquats—he had no pleasant memories left. The last she heard of him was during the previous winter break. He’d just finished a project in the northwest and immediately headed south with Uncle Biao, so they hadn’t had a chance to meet. The local specialties he brought could only be passed to her through Shasha. He never shared bad news with family, so even through Shasha, she couldn’t tell how he was really doing.

She lingered in the hallway with her phone for a moment, then returned to the classroom. Xiao Xu leaned in, “What took you so long? Class is about to start. The professor just announced a quiz this session and went over last week’s homework. I copied the answers for you—here…”

Something in Huang Qi snapped. She blurted out, “Xiao Xu, I already like someone else.”

He was caught off guard, his words stuck in his throat. He stared at her, speechless.

“I have someone I’ve liked for a long time. I’m sorry,” she said, lowering her head. “I won’t take the quiz—I’ll just audit from the side.” She hurriedly packed her bag. Just then, a late-arriving girl was anxiously searching for a seat, so Huang Qi gave her spot away and moved to a back corner.

After class, she returned to the dorm and called the number her mother had sent for Uncle Wenwen. The background was a cacophony of clanging machinery from the construction site. Uncle Wenwen gave her the address, “Xiao Huang, I’m quite busy these days, might have to travel at any moment. I’ll leave your things with a young guy on site—he’s always here. You can come find him directly. He’s from your hometown, Huangsha Town—you might even know him. His name is Sha Zhouyin. Sha as in Huangsha, Zhou as in Monday, and Yin—the complicated character. Just ask for Xiao Sha—everyone knows him. Come by whenever you have time, all right?”