Chapter Ninety-Eight: Yearning Brings Ruin

Wan'er, it’s dark already. Don’t go out. I’m not very hungry either; if I do get hungry, I’ll just go out and find something for myself. On a night like this, no one knows what might be lurking outside, so I didn’t want Wan'er to leave.

By nature, Wan'er was like a girl from the old days, used to the idea that men were above women, so she had long taken it as her duty to serve a man.

“But... but I do need a little of your blood now. Look at my face, and my hands.” Wan'er gave an embarrassed smile and pointed at her face. The once-smooth skin had begun to look weathered after all the jolting along the road, the wind and sun beating down on her. She really did need some of my blood to nourish her.

I bit my finger until it bled and gently held it out to her. Shangguan Wan'er smiled shyly, a little bashful as she took my finger into her mouth. She knelt half on the ground before me, her black hair falling like a waterfall and hiding her entire face. The brambles in the mountains had torn her clothes, and there were marks on her arms that made my heart ache to see.

After a while, Wan'er let go of my finger. When she lifted her head again, that delicate face was smooth and luminous once more. Her nimble tongue licked the blood from the corner of her lips clean, and only then did she say, “Big brother, thank you.”

I smiled but said nothing. If anything, I should have been the one thanking her for coming here with me. That alone was already a blessing beyond measure.

As the night deepened, Wan'er and I sat in the little house. Through the window, we could see the world outside. The sky was much the same as where I came from, except that there were many moons, and everything was bathed in light, almost like the sight of a full moon on the Mid-Autumn Festival back home.

Shangguan Wan'er sat by the doorway with her knees drawn up, gazing at the scenery outside. Just looking at her back made her seem like a landscape of her own.

“Big brother, you sleep. I’ll keep watch for you. Anyway, I don’t need to sleep.” Sitting there, staring into the hazy moonlight outside, Shangguan Wan'er spoke.

I did not stand on ceremony. After all these days with her, I had grown used to it. Wan'er truly did not need sleep; at times, even when she lay down with the lamp out at night, it was only to keep me company.

I lay down on the ground, straw beneath me. Crude though it was, it was still an experience, a kind of fate. But my heart was burdened, and I had no mood to savor such a feeling of finding comfort in hardship and sorrow in joy.

My mind was filled with Wang Ying and my mother. I still could not figure out whether the woman in white I had seen last night was really Wang Ying. Her build, her face, even her voice were all hers. So why had she not recognized me? Had she truly been controlled by someone? Or was there some other reason?

And after Wang Ying, I thought of my mother. My mother and my second uncle had been taken by the King of the Underworld, and in the end they had even died. The more I thought about it, the more grief welled up in me. My mother had scarcely enjoyed a single good day from childhood to old age. My father had never been reliable and had left when I was still very young, abandoning her behind. After all the hardship of finally spending a few decent years with my second uncle, she had been killed by the King of the Underworld.

The King of the Underworld had become my mortal enemy. If I did not avenge this hatred, I swore I would not remain a man.

Da Chuan, Da Chuan.

Just as I lay there, raging inwardly and lost in thought, a cry came from outside. Hearing that familiar voice, I sprang upright at once.

“Mom, is that you?” I climbed to my feet and rushed outside.

There, in the moonlight beyond the door, stood my mother. She was exactly as I remembered her: kind-faced, weathered, smiling gently at me.

“Mom! It really is you! Why are you here too?” I rushed over and held her tightly in my arms. Her body was icy cold.

“Mom... y-you... what happened to you? You really...” Hugging her frozen body, I burst into tears.

Da Chuan, I just couldn’t放心 on you, so I came to have a look. Seeing that you’re doing well, I’m satisfied. I don’t have much time. I have to go.

My mother raised a hand and touched my face, then slipped free from my embrace and vanished in a flash.

“Mom, don’t go. You can stay by my side, just like Wang Ying and Wan'er. I can sustain you with my blood.” Seeing that my mother was leaving, I hurried after her.

“Big brother, big brother, wake up!”

Just as I was crying and chasing after my mother, someone grabbed me from behind. I jolted awake all at once. So it had all been a dream. I had been consumed by longing and dreamed of my mother.

I was still lying on the ground and had not chased after anyone. The only one sitting beside me was Shangguan Wan'er, who was shaking my arm.

“Big brother, you were crying!” Wan'er helped me sit up and let me lean against her. The faint, sweet fragrance of her body drifted into my nose, leaving me slightly dazed.

“I dreamed of my mother.” At the mention of the dream, tears began to fall again. Sometimes I thought I was really useless, crying like a little girl.

“Big brother, don’t be like this. You have to believe that everything will be all right.” As she spoke, Wan'er lifted a hand and gently wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes.

I leaned against her body, my back resting against her soft warmth. It felt pleasant enough, but my heart was restless.

After sitting for a while, I calmed down. Wan'er told me to sleep a little longer, but I had no desire to sleep. The night grew deeper and the air colder, and with my stomach empty, I was far too awake to feel drowsy.

Wan'er and I sat side by side at the doorway, watching the night scene here. It had a primitive, tranquil beauty to it, but I was cold and hungry and in no mood to admire it.

“Big brother, I’ve been thinking about something. What if neither of us can ever go back?” Shangguan Wan'er turned her face slightly to look at me. The moonlight washed her features spotless, making her seem almost heartbreakingly beautiful.

I had never thought about that before, yet it was an unavoidable reality. The last time we had been in the underworld, if the King of the Underworld had not thrown me and Wei Qi out, we probably would never have found the exit. Now Wan'er and I were here, not even knowing where here was. How could we possibly get out?

A roar suddenly sounded from afar.

The sound was so loud it shook the earth and mountains. Shangguan Wan'er was so frightened that she darted straight into my arms.

“Big brother, what is that thing?”

Holding her soft body, I managed to keep my composure. “That voice sounds familiar. It should be a Heaven-Howler. Strange... why would such a beast be here?”

I could not help wondering whether the monster was the same one that had been on Wang Ying’s hand. But it probably was not. That one had gained some spirit after turning from stone, but it was nowhere near this large.

“Big brother, why do I feel so unsettled inside?” Wan'er lifted herself from my embrace.

“What is it? Are you feeling unwell?” In truth, I knew why she was unsettled. A man and a woman alone together, holding one another so closely—how could their hearts not be thrown into disorder? Yet there was something strange about it. She was a female ghost, her body and soul separate. How could the body know what the soul felt?

“N-no, it’s nothing. It just felt rather panicked when I was in your arms just now.” Shangguan Wan'er smiled awkwardly.

“Wan'er, didn’t Ziyi ever hold you?” The moment I asked, I immediately regretted it. Did I even sound like an older brother anymore? How could I ask my little sister such a thing? I was starting to sound meddlesome.

Shangguan Wan'er awkwardly brushed a hand through her silky hair and lowered her head. “Things were different back then. In those days, most girls didn’t even know what men did once they were married. Ziyi and I were engaged, and we met a few times, but we never even held hands.”

My heart sank, and I felt a pang of sorrow for her. They had never even held hands, and yet she had loved him so deeply. If they had ever shared true intimacy, what then? Men and women today were different. One week of knowing each other and they were in bed; two weeks later, they were breaking up. Whether that was progress or regression was a matter for each person to judge.

“Sister, you two never even held hands, and you still had such deep feelings? You waited for him like that...” I asked.

“Yes. He was very good to me. He promised he would marry me, and when I was poisoned, he risked his life to find me the Blood Crystal in the end he died in the royal tomb of Ju Kingdom.” As she spoke, her eyes turned red.

I really was asking for trouble. Why did I have to bring up such things? I had only just finished crying, and now this girl was crying too. I quickly put an arm around her shoulders. “Wan'er, don’t cry. Don’t you have me?”

Wan'er wiped away her tears and looked at me with wet eyes. “Big brother, although you aren’t as handsome as Ziyi, you’re kind, responsible, and your voice sounds a lot like his.”

I gave an embarrassed laugh. So in Wan'er’s eyes, I was this outstanding after all.

“Big brother, you’re trembling. Are you very cold? If you’re cold, then hold me. I may not have body heat, but I can store warmth. You can use me as a blanket if you want.” Shangguan Wan'er wiped the corners of her eyes and said with a smile through her tears.

I really did feel a little chilly, but I had never thought of sleeping while holding Wan'er. A man and a woman should keep proper distance. Hm? Wait—she was from the old days. Surely she understood these rules better than I did.