Chapter Six: I Am Helpless

Wei Qi pulled the female corpse out of the burlap sack and set it aside. Then he took out the makeup kit from the other side and told me to put makeup on the corpse so he could catch up on some sleep. Without even taking off his shoes, he climbed onto the bed, muttering and cursing under his breath about which ill-mannered female ghost dared to set up a ghostly ambush in front of him, and what he’d do if he caught her.

I held the makeup tools in my hand, but my mind kept drifting back to what happened last night. It seemed this wasn’t a dream—it was real. By that logic, the bottle I carried truly contained the spirit of that woman called Wang Ying.

While Wei Qi slept, I took the bottle out again, opened it, and snuck a peek inside. A cold gust of wind rushed out, scaring me into quickly sealing the cap.

Distracted, I began to apply makeup to the corpse Wei Qi had brought. Only when I looked closely did I realize this was a rather attractive woman. She wasn’t as beautiful as Wang Ying, but she was pleasant to look at—full cheeks, long lashes, a small mouth, and what struck me most was her generous chest—by eye, at least an E cup.

As I gazed, I couldn’t help but compare her with Wang Ying. Although, on the whole, she didn’t quite measure up, her chest certainly outdid Wang Ying’s by a fair margin. As I leaned in for a closer look, a sudden sharp pain jabbed my waist, as if something had poked me. A voice hissed in my ear: “Wang Dachuan, if you dare ogle another woman, I’ll kill you.”

Startled, I almost dropped the rose-red lipstick in my hand. This time, I heard it clearly—it was Wang Ying’s voice. So the ghost really had been by my side all along. I immediately averted my eyes, repeating silently in my heart: “Wife, I—I didn’t mean it. I won’t look at another woman again. You’re the only one in my heart.”

“If you so much as think of cheating, I’ll cut off your manhood,” Wang Ying’s voice came again, chilling and full of menace. She was a ghost with a heavy aura and a fierce temper; I absolutely dared not cross her. Uncle, what have you done to me? Marrying me off to a ghost bride has brought me nothing but misery.

Warned by my ghostly wife, I dared not stray again. Eyes straight ahead, I focused intently on applying makeup to the corpse, taking over an hour to finish. Stepping back to examine my work, I had to admit, Uncle’s lessons hadn’t been in vain—the result was impressive. If you didn’t look too closely, you’d think she was alive.

Wei Qi got up, scrutinized the corpse for a while, and praised my handiwork. Then he took a set of pale lavender clothes from the wardrobe and asked me to help dress her.

When it came time to change the corpse’s clothes, I didn’t dare look, especially when I had to remove her old clothes—I kept my eyes tightly shut. Wei Qi mocked me for being such a prude.

But by being prudish, Wang Ying didn’t pinch me again.

After she was dressed, Wei Qi took several photos with his camera. Only then did he ask me to help put the corpse in the freezer. With the photos in hand, we left together to find the woman who had come by yesterday—Shang Xiaoyun.

Wei Qi owned a little Joy Prince car. The moment he sat down, the car sagged noticeably—probably due to its age and wear. What should have been a journey of a few dozen kilometers ended up taking us nearly two hours.

Juxian was a small county with a long history, having produced many scholars and wealthy merchants. Shang Xiaoyun’s home was in Jinlan Bay, a high-end villa district. After a phone call, she came out to greet us. Her home was so lavish that I could hardly believe my eyes. Having grown up in the countryside, I’d never imagined houses like this existed.

Shang Xiaoyun looked at the photos we brought and was very satisfied. She asked Wei Qi when the ghost marriage could begin. Wei Qi replied that we needed to inspect the deceased’s grave, as certain burial sites had particular requirements and couldn’t be opened lightly.

After a brief hesitation, Shang Xiaoyun led us outside. She drove her BMW straight west toward Fulaishan, and at the foot of the mountain, we found a grave.

The Dragon’s Lair, muttered Wei Qi, then turned to Shang Xiaoyun and asked, “Where’s your friend? Who picked this grave for her husband?”

Shang Xiaoyun blushed and stammered that her friend was busy and couldn’t come, but anything we needed to discuss could go through her.

Wei Qi said the burial site looked good—backed by mountains, facing water, shaded and sunny where it should be—but since it was a Dragon’s Lair, it came with many superstitions. If the burial wasn’t done right, it could bring disaster to the family for generations. Even the ghost marriage was risky; if the woman’s spirit absorbed the lair’s yin energy, she could become a zombie.

Hearing this, I found it hard to believe. My family dealt with the dead, but we weren’t experts in feng shui. Still, it’s not something you can entirely dismiss—just as many people don’t believe in ghosts, yet I’d actually ended up with a ghost bride.

Shang Xiaoyun was visibly frightened, her rosy cheeks drained of color. She asked if there was any way to resolve the problem. Wei Qi said there was, but only the closest kin of the deceased could handle it—ideally, her friend, the widow, should come.

Shang Xiaoyun agreed to find her friend as soon as they returned. Back in Juxian, she put us up at the Yunhai Grand Hotel, one of those places where food, drink, entertainment, and lodging all came as a package.

Shang Xiaoyun left to look for her friend, while Wei Qi and I each went to our own rooms to rest. Having not slept well the previous night, I quickly drifted off on the soft bed.

In a half-dream, I sensed a shadow flicker before my eyes. When I opened them, I saw a white figure near the door, gazing at herself in the mirror. I sat bolt upright. It was none other than my ghostly wife, Wang Ying.

“What are you doing out in broad daylight? Aren’t you afraid of the yang energy?” In our line of work, we all knew: people fear yin energy, ghosts fear yang. That’s why people shouldn’t wander at night, and ghosts shouldn’t appear by day. Wang Ying being here now wasn’t good for her.

“Mind your own business. I’ll do what I please. Don’t stare at me, or I’ll gouge your eyes out.” Wang Ying turned, her enchanting eyes glaring at me with fury, yet she still looked so adorable.

I could only give a wry smile. Even ghosts should be reasonable, right? After all, I was her husband. Was this any way to talk to one’s spouse?

“Wife, can’t we get along? Even if we’re separated by life and death, we’re still husband and wife.” I dared not anger this female ghost—I had to soften my approach.

“Save it. There’s nothing real between us. If I didn’t want to drink your blood now and then, I’d never have married you. As for you staring at my chest, I should have bitten you to death by now.” With a cold glance, Wang Ying turned and strode toward the bathroom.

“Wang Ying, stop right there.” I was getting annoyed. Damn it! Is this what you call clinging to life? I’ve had enough. If I die and become a ghost, I’ll pin this ghost woman to the ground a dozen times over to vent my anger.

“What? What do you want?” Wang Ying turned back and walked lightly toward me.

“I—well, it’s nothing… I just think, if you feel wronged, we can call off the marriage. You can marry whomever you like, and I’ll find someone else.” Honestly, that was how I truly felt.

Wang Ying paused, her eyes cold as she replied, “Wang Dachuan, keep dreaming! Your uncle already held the wedding for us, and now you want to back out? Fine, but if you try to leave me, your mother, your uncle, and everyone in your village will die.”

“Why? Why are you so vicious?”

“No reason. I’m a vengeful spirit, my resentment festers in my belly. You helped me vent my anger, and I should be grateful, but you made me remember hatred, you made me die with regrets. The fact I haven’t killed you already is mercy.” With that, Wang Ying vanished into the bathroom.

A moment later, the bathroom door slammed shut, and the sound of rushing water came from within.

Do ghosts need to bathe?

I remembered the elders saying ghosts come and go without a trace—why would they need a bath? I was tempted to sneak a peek at her through the crack in the door, but I didn’t dare. She was too fierce; if she caught me, she’d probably bite me to death.

Lying on the bed, I felt frustrated. My uncle had married me off to a ghost bride. I couldn’t look, couldn’t touch, not even have a proper conversation. I could live with all that, but did she have to restrict my freedom? She even pinched me for glancing at a corpse’s chest. If I really cheated, would I have any hope of survival?

Damn it. If I’m going to be bitten to death or scared to death, today I’ll bathe with this ghost woman—come what may, I don’t care anymore. With that thought, I jumped up from the bed and headed straight for the bathroom.