Chapter Ninety: Like Awakening from Another Lifetime

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"Is it you, Wan-er?" I was so ashamed I wanted the ground to swallow me. It was clearly Wang Ying, so how had it become Shangguan Wan-er? Not only had I held her just now, I seemed to have touched her too. "I-I’m sorry. I had a dream... I dreamed of your sister-in-law."

Shangguan Wan-er gave a shy smile. "It’s all right. The ignorant are not to be blamed. Lie down a little longer; I’ll make breakfast." With that, she went out.

I wanted to stop her. I wasn’t hungry at all. But I felt too embarrassed to face her, so I let her go into the kitchen.

I lay back down and thought about the scenes from my dream. Everything had felt so real, as if it were truly happening. Maybe I missed Wang Ying too much.

After a simple breakfast, I left home. I had lain there for a day and a night, and when I stepped out of the gate again, I felt as though I had crossed into another world. The sky was still the same sky, and the fields were still the same fields, but my state of mind had changed. It had turned desolate, so that everything I looked at seemed chaotic and bleak, full of sorrow.

Shangguan Wan-er came running after me and asked where I was going. I said nowhere in particular, just taking a walk. She wanted to come with me, but I refused. She said the blood amber was on her, so she was not afraid of yang energy at all. Still, I did not let her follow. Even I did not know why. Perhaps I just wanted some peace and quiet.

When I reached the eastern end of the village and crossed the little bridge, beyond it lay those emerald-green fields. In the past two days, we had searched every inch of them, yet not a trace of Wang Ying had been found. Heaven knew where she had gone.

Looking at the luxuriant crops in the distance, I desperately hoped that Wang Ying would suddenly step out from among them. But it was only fantasy, not reality. The truth was that Wang Ying would never come back, and I did not know where she had gone.

As I sat on the little bridge, quietly nursing my grief, Wei Qi arrived. He sat beside me in silence and put a lit cigarette between my lips. Only after a long while did he say, "Da Chuan, what are you going to do?"

"I don’t know." I truly did not know what I should do.

"Are you going to keep looking? Wang Ying is only a body. Even if she’s not far from us, we’ll have a hard time finding her," Wei Qi analyzed.

At his words, the quiet despair in my heart suddenly turned restless. Yes. Wang Ying’s spirit was no longer in her body. If some evil wind had blown her out into the fields, wouldn’t she just rot away little by little? No. I did not want that ending. No matter what, I had to find her. I had to.

I got up and headed into the fields. Wei Qi followed, and the two of us walked through the crops, roaming the hills and fields. We kept at it for three days. During those three days, Wei Qi and I nearly searched every field in Wei Family Vegetable Garden Village, yet in the end we found nothing. On those three nights, Shangguan Wan-er, together with Xuan Li and Qing Ting, wandered the mountains and fields as well, but in the end, like us, discovered nothing.

On the fourth day, Wei Qi came as promised early in the morning and invited me to go out looking for Wang Ying with him. I shook my head and refused.

"Da Chuan, have you thought it through?" Wei Qi sat beside me and lit a cigarette. This guy used to drink only; I don’t know when he had actually learned to smoke.

"Uncle Qi, don’t keep searching for Wang Ying with me. Let me look for her myself. It’s not right to keep holding you back." That was the truth. Wang Ying was my Wang Ying. I could not keep having Wei Qi at my side. He was my friend, and he had already done more than enough.

"Da Chuan, I don’t know whether I should say this," Wei Qi said, his eyes fixed on mine.

"Uncle Qi, there’s no need to be polite with me. By seniority, you’re my uncle; by feeling, you’re closer than my own brother." I had nothing to say about this brother of mine. Our bond was beyond compare.

"I don’t think there’s any need to keep searching for Wang Ying’s body. In weather like this, even if we found her..."

He did not finish, but I already understood. I gave a bitter smile. "Uncle Qi, whatever happens, Wang Ying is still my wife. I can’t just leave her out there forever."

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"Da Chuan, I think this whole matter is very strange. Wang Ying was blown away by the wind, but maybe she was blown somewhere else. Or maybe, just as Li Da Nian said, someone is using this to threaten you."

"Uncle Qi, if we’re not going to look, then we’re not going to look. Could you drink with me instead?"

"Sure, I’ll keep you company."

Wei Qi went out to buy liquor, and Shangguan Wan-er prepared several dishes for us. The two of us began to drink. After drinking, I felt much better inside; after drinking, the world seemed much bigger; after drinking, I suddenly understood something, and it felt as though Wang Ying were waiting for me not too far away.

From that day on, I fell in love with drinking. I drank by day and drank by night. After I finished drinking, I slept; after I slept, I kept on drinking. Sometimes I would go out into the fields for a turn, though of course I found nothing. At first Wei Qi still drank with me, but later, seeing me becoming like a drunkard, he no longer kept me company. Afraid he might stop me, I would buy liquor and take it into the fields to drink, carrying that bottle as I searched for Wang Ying, drinking as I went, sleeping wherever I collapsed.

To drink, I hid from Shangguan Wan-er and Wei Qi.

One afternoon, I bought two bottles of Fu Laichun on credit from the little shop and went into the fields. After one bottle, aside from the discomfort in my stomach, everything else felt wonderfully pleasant. Drunk, I slept. When I woke again, the sky was already full of stars.

Summer nights were swarming with mosquitoes, but I could not feel the itching. My body and soul had gone numb.

"Brother, you’re awake?" While I was trying to remember how long I had slept, Shangguan Wan-er’s voice sounded beside me.

"Wan-er, how did you find me?" I was a little surprised. How had she found me? I had already walked quite far.

"Brother, go back. Stop drinking. Are you really going to let yourself fall this far?" Shangguan Wan-er sat there, her shoulders trembling faintly as she wept softly.

"Let’s go home." I stood up, and Shangguan Wan-er and I staggered back together. Along the way, she begged me never to drink again. I promised aloud, but inwardly I paid it no mind. Only I knew that I felt at ease only when I was drunk, only when I could believe Wang Ying would come looking for me one day. But once the liquor wore off, I fell back into reality. Reality was bitter; I did not dare taste it. I only wanted to flee.

When we got home, Li Da Nian and Wei Qi were standing at the gate.

Seeing the way I looked, Li Da Nian’s face twisted in shock. "Da Chuan, i-is that really you?"

I gave a bitter smile. "Master, what’s wrong with me?"

"What do you mean, what’s wrong? Are you still a man? Look at yourself!" As he spoke, Li Da Nian pulled me into the house and picked up a mirror from the side to show me.

One look, and my heart sank. Was this still me?

I admit I’m not some handsome pretty boy, but I’ve always had a decent figure, with plenty of masculine presence. But now! My dark face was smeared with mud and bits of grass, my hair was a mess like a magpie’s nest in a tree, my beard was shaggy, and my once white shirt had turned black.

"Is this how you took care of him?" Li Da Nian angrily tossed the mirror aside and questioned Wei Qi and Shangguan Wan-er.

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Truthfully, Li Da Nian had wrongly blamed them. Wei Qi and Shangguan Wan-er had taken very good care of me. Especially Shangguan Wan-er—every meal she made was delicious, and all my clothes were washed clean. Every day she even brought my washbasin, toothbrush, and toothpaste to my hand. It was I who had chosen to rot away, refusing to do anything. Whenever they were not looking, I would tuck a bottle of white liquor into my pocket and go out to the fields.

"Master, don’t blame them. Are you looking for me for something?" I asked Li Da Nian.

"That little girl only has three days left. If we don’t stop her within these three days, I’m afraid she’ll cultivate the Yin-Sucking Art, and then no one will be able to do anything to her. After discussing it, everyone still thinks you’re the one who should come out of seclusion."

"Master Li, with so many spirit-crossers among you, not one of you can think of a way?"

I was deeply frustrated. If Li Da Nian had not insisted on keeping me there, Wang Ying’s body would not have been lost.

"Da Chuan, that’s not the way to put it. That girl is a ghost at heart. We do have a way—kill her. But that would be far too cruel."

"Master Li, if there were no Wang Da Chuan, wouldn’t your whole plan be ruined?" I had grown narrow-minded. My mind was full of Wang Ying, and even my words had turned sharp.

When Li Da Nian heard me, a trace of disappointment passed through his eyes. I faintly regretted it. He was so old; I should not have spoken to him like that. But when I thought of Wang Ying never coming back, I felt he did not deserve my good face. It was all because he had made me stay and try to reform Yue Yue. If I had not gone to try to reform Yue Yue, Wang Ying would not have gone missing.

Li Da Nian rose to his feet. "Da Chuan, I’ve always held you in high regard. You’re kind. You dare to take responsibility. But now I see you’ve changed—changed so much I scarcely recognize you. So I’ve decided to take Qing Ting away." With that, he gestured, and Qing Ting slowly flew into his urn.

I gave a cold laugh. "Suit yourself."

Li Da Nian looked at me once more, sighed, shook his head, and left.

"Da Chuan, what you’re doing is wrong!" Wei Qi looked at me, a trace of worry in his eyes. "If you don’t step in, Yue Yue will most likely die."

"Whether she lives or dies, what does it have to do with me? My wife is gone and no one cares. Uncle Qi, go back and sleep. I’m tired." With that, I pushed Wei Qi out the door and slammed it shut.

Shangguan Wan-er came over and took my arm. "Brother, what’s wrong with you? This isn’t the you from before!"

"This is just how I am. Don’t bother with me." For some reason, I felt terribly irritated.

Shangguan Wan-er froze for a moment, then pulled me to sit on the sofa. Her delicate brows flew up, her face full of anger. "Wang Da Chuan, you’ve gone too far. You’ve sunk so low; if Sister-in-law knew, she would despise you too." The ghost girl stood opposite me and exploded.